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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28373019">And Then There Was Hope</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ForEliIsLost/pseuds/ForEliIsLost'>ForEliIsLost</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Heroes (TV 2006)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Background Relationships, Depression, I lost track of how many times Peter engaged in self-destructive and self endangering behaviour, Nathan is a dick, Peter Has Depression, Peter Petrelli has depression, Some things are in between the lines, Suicidal Ideation, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Triggers, but most stuff is really in your face, nathan petrelli is a dick, so I used the power of narrative, trigger warning</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 23:49:18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,769</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28373019</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ForEliIsLost/pseuds/ForEliIsLost</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>He raised his head, oh, I'm not hesitating, he thought. And, then, his right foot was taking a step forward — he felt light.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Nathan Petrelli &amp; Peter Petrelli, Peter Petrelli &amp; Angela Petrelli, Simone Deveaux/Peter Petrelli</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>And Then There Was Hope</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hello and all that.<br/>I had this sitting on my files and decided to post it because why not.<br/>Enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Peter had convinced himself at some point during college that when he thought about an option he wasn't going to take — didn't want to take — too much, it was because he was rationalizing the situation to make the option he was going for seem less awful. Like when a person goes "<em>hey, this option is pretty bad but it could be way worse</em>" to make themselves feel better. He had always made to toss it aside when his option wasn't bad at all and his thoughts still lingered a little too long, a little too obsessively, on the worst option.</p><p>He never asked himself why he clinged on to people so tight is was like they were a lifeline — or why he felt like they actually were — and was so easy to believe them, even if it was ridiculous sometimes.</p><p>He learned in a psychology class that, when he looked over the edge of a rooftop and felt like he might throw himself over even though he had no actual intent to do so, it was called a <em>schizophrenic impulse</em>, and it was (is) more common than most people think — most importantly, it didn't mean that he wanted to actually throw himself.</p><p>That is, until he was standing at the edge of a rooftop, contemplating jumping to see if he flew.</p><p>As Peter called his brother, he realized that he had barely no hesitation in him.</p><p>He dropped his phone on the alley below when Nathan arrived. "I've been up here all night thinking about this. Thinking about my destiny." He shouted so that Nathan could hear him from below.</p><p>"What you doing, Pete?" Nathan asked, speaking loudly so that Peter could hear him from above — Nathan asked him the way you would ask a kid hiding candy behind their back "<em>what do you have there</em>".</p><p>"It's turn my turn to be somebody now, Nathan!" Peter stated, he didn't know why flying would make him 'somebody', but, god, did he want that.</p><p>"Come on, Peter. Quit screwing around!" Peter almost scoffed at that — Nathan's reaction was so truthfully and thoroughly Nathan.</p><p>He raised his head, <em>oh, I'm not hesitating</em>, he thought. And, then, his right foot was taking a step forward — he felt light.</p><p> </p><p>And Nathan caught him.<br/>
<br/>
*<br/>
<br/>
Peter was back at the roof as soon as he got the chance, sitting in a stair railing and looking over the edge.</p><p>He never flew, it was all a big delusion created by his altered brain — Peter felt his hope draining every second that hard truth settled more.</p><p>When Nathan came looking for him, he wasn't sure he was still there, he felt like he wasn't even awake at all. "I've been looking all over for you."</p><p>"Did you know about dad's depression?"</p><p>"Yeah."</p><p>"Why didn't you ever tell me?"</p><p>"Because everyone's entitled to their secrets, Peter." Nathan said as he came a few steps closer to where Peter was.</p><p>"I was so sure when it happened. Now it turns out I'm just... going crazy." Peter said with a frown, standing up on the ledge.</p><p>"Look, hey... we've been through this before. We've played this game, okay? Let's just... let's just go."</p><p>Peter looked up from the spot he was staring at down below to Nathan. <em>Alright, I'm gonna show you a game,</em> Peter thought, "Tell me what happened, Nathan, when I jumped. Tell me you flew — I wanna hear you say that you flew. Tell me, or I'll jump again." Peter threatened, going back as further as the platform would allow, "Hey, good luck on your campaign when I'm splattered all over the ground below."</p><p>"All right, you want the truth?"</p><p>"Yeah." He agreed, he needed the truth, he needed it to be better than what he had now — he needed hope.</p><p>"We both flew, Pete. I caught you, and I lost control. You're too heavy. We both started falling to the ground and just before we—just before we hit, you flew. You."</p><p>The truth was better than he expected. Peter took a deep breath, "Are you lying to me?" Nathan shook his head in denial, shocked by the reaction, "You are." Peter started walking towards Nathan, "You're trying to tell me what you think I wanna hear. You're lying to me again!" He shouted in anger, trying to contain his agitated breathing.</p><p>Nathan looked down at his younger brother's feet, then back up at his face, pointing at the spot he was looking at a second ago wordlessly. Peter looked down — he was flying! He looked back at Nathan, falling as he did.</p><p>Peter lunged forward to hug Nathan, "Did you see that? Did you see that? I flew!"</p><p>"Yeah, I—I know. I know."</p><p>And then there was hope.<br/>
<br/>
*<br/>
<br/>
"Listen, I tried it again."</p><p>"Tried what?" Nathan asked as handed the file he was signing back to the girl who gave it to him.</p><p> </p><p>"What do you mean 'what'? What do you think that I mean? I—I tried to fly." Peter explained as Nathan turned and walked quickly across the office, Peter on his feet.</p><p>"Would you keep your voice down?" Nathan warned.</p><p>"You were there. Last night, I could fly. This morning, nothing." Peter shook his head in frustration, gesturing as he spoke, "I nearly broke my neck trying."</p><p>"Well, it would have solved one of our problems." Peter looked at his brother for the smallest second, thinking <em>yes, it would've</em>, and then went on talking about the book he'd found.</p><p>"We've got a more immediate problem here." Nathan announced.</p><p>"What?"</p><p>"It's this woman reporter. She's poking around into why you jumped off the roof."</p><p>"Look, Nathan, we flew. Aren't you curious how this happened?" He told himself that question was made because he considered it a more immediate matter, not because he has deflecting.</p><p>"Yeah, I mean, I want answers, just like everyone else. I mean, just like you, okay? But right now, today, I'm trying to find a way to put a spin on this so it doesn't look like crazy runs in our family." Nathan refocused, hoping to get his younger brother on the topic he wanted to talk about.</p><p>"I need to figure out why this is happening to me. To us." Peter insisted, earning a tired look from Nathan.</p><p>"Responsibilities, Pete, okay? I've got an election to win and a family to feed, okay?" Nathan turned and started walking away to another corner of the campaign headquarters, Peter followed him.</p><p>"You are so—What do you want to tell that reporter?"</p><p>"I know one thing we can't tell her: the truth."<br/>
<br/>
*<br/>
<br/>
The party was going great on Peter's end. He had arrived on time looking sharp; been promptly ignored by the family acquaintances, as usual, for being the disappointment of the family; met and conversed with Simone, for whom he managed to profess his love just before Nathan's big speech; all in all, a great party.</p><p>That is, until his older brother opened his mouth.</p><p>"I'd like to welcome you all here, on behalf of my family, my entire campaign staff. I'm sure that you know my brave wife would be here by my side, were she able." Nathan started, "The life-altering event of my father's death is really what prompted me to run for Congress. My father hid a deep depression — an illness, really — up until the day he died. His loving wife, his attentive children, his loyal friends — we all knew about it, and yet he suffered alone. As many of you might have read, my brother, Peter, had an accident. But what I have kept from the press thus far is that Peter barely survived a suicide attempt." All eyes in the room darted to the youngest Petrelli.</p><p>Peter took a deep breath — though, he felt like his lungs didn't take in any of the oxygen at all — paralyzed on the spot he stood.</p><p>"My first instinct was to keep his illness hidden. But no one should suffer alone." That was the fuel that got Peter finally moving. Anger cackled through his veins at his brother's words and he felt Simone starring at him as he started to move towards the crowd. "Because we're all connected somehow. Everyone in this room. You, me—"</p><p>"Peter—" Simone called softly as she watched him squeeze through the crowd.</p><p>"—Everyone in this city. And we need to look out for each other..."<br/>
<br/>
*<br/>
<br/>
For the first time in weeks — maybe longer — Peter felt like things were falling into place. He felt hopeful and energetic and he should have known it wouldn't last. That's all he could think about as he walked under the rain, trying to hail a taxi after having a confrontation with his brother about the speech.</p><p>However, he never knew hope would find him under a red umbrella.<br/>
<br/>
*<br/>
<br/>
After Simone left him, the morning after the party, Peter found hope again inside a train when time stopped.<br/>
"<em>Save the Cheerleader, save the world!</em>"<br/>
<br/>
*<br/>
<br/>
"He said it was to protect you, that you're gonna get yourself killed." Simone said after showing him the ruined painting. Peter fought the urge to scoff or start laughing — he knew for a fact that his brother cared more about him ruining the election for him than if Peter was or not gonna die.<br/>
<br/>
*<br/>
<br/>
As Peter screamed at the cheerleader to run, his mind conjured briefly the memory of Ando standing in the middle of the Burnt Toast Diner saying "<em>But if you go you die</em>".</p><p>He realized that, like at the rooftop the first time around, there wasn't any hesitation in him, despite the prospect of dying.</p><p>He shook his head and, when he turned around, he was face to face with the boogeyman.<br/>
<br/>
*<br/>
<br/>
Sitting alone in the cell was miserable. On the few times Peter had managed to sleep, he woke up from nightmares.</p><p>He was exhausted — he felt like he had a sunburn (even though he hadn't been under the sun in over a day), his body ached, his head ached worse, he was in cold sweat, and, despite having been checked briefly for injuries, he felt like he was having the worst fever he'd had in years.</p><p>The pills he'd been given by the cop hadn't helped at all — in fact, he felt his headache worsen by the minute. And being visited by Claire, though delightful, didn't help him down from whatever sickness he was having.</p><p>Summing it all up: by the time Nathan arrived to take him home, he felt like he might start having a breakdown at any minute.</p><p>Lucky him, his body gave out before that happened.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey! Hope you liked it!<br/>If you enjoyed it, be sure to comment (I love those), kudo, and bookmark (To this day, I don't know what the purpose of those are, but I love them nontheless!).</p></blockquote></div></div>
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